Fallout

Posted on Mon Nov 4th, 2019 @ 7:57pm by Patricia Crow & Lieutenant Aemilia "Millie" Stepanova

Mission: Bless the Maker
Location: Counselor Stepanova's quarters

Millie sat in a chair by the viewport in her quarters, clad in an oversized Starfleet Academy sweatshirt and sweatpants. She held a mug of tea in her hands that had long since gone cold as she stared out at the stars. It was a view that she'd become accustomed to over the last few years. She still marveled at the passage of the stars as the ship warped past systems and planets. After nearly a lifetime of stationary views of the night sky, she'd come to envy those who got to spend decades with this view--always changing, with new stars and planets to fill the void in the darkness.

Her door chime beeped.

The counselor gave a quiet sigh. "Enter."

Banks entered, noting the barren surroundings. "Redecorating?"

Hearing the familiar voice, she turned over her shoulder and gestured to the single duffel bag sitting against the wall. "Expecting the inevitable."

"It won't come to that."

"Either the Captain will have me reassigned, or Starfleet will." Millie gestured towards the empty chair with her head as she set her now-cold mug of tea on the table between them. "Because I'm not making progress with Henry, Starfleet has been questioning whether I can be effective on a starship, or if I should be returned to my former unit and transferred to a colony somewhere." She pulled both of her knees up to her chest. "So, if the Captain doesn't have me transferred for what I said, then Starfleet is likely to put in the order."

"I think Starfleet has more to be worried about than one counselor on one ship to act so quickly. As far as he goes...he's just blowing off steam. He's like a volcano . He gets angry, we throw Edra dressed up as a native girl into his fury and everything is good." She smirked as she took her seat.

There was a hint of a smile from Millie. "It's the volcano that Starfleet is worried about. That's why I was assigned here when Edra returned, and it was just happenstance timing that put me here right after he was shot. He's just---" she sighed. "He's not dealt with anything that's happened, and the fact that he hiding behind his children and his family is only going to allow the pressure to build. He says he's fine...but I don't believe him...and neither do his superiors."

"People like us are used to burying things." Banks allowed the double meaning to float.

Millie nodded. "But burying things doesn't heal the wound or the trauma. The wound becomes infected, and just manifests itself in different ways. It affects your health, your relationships..." Her face softened towards her friend, "...your feelings of self-worth."

"I can tell you his self worth is based on duty and protection."

Millie nodded again. "So just think about how deeply it must have injured him to have Edra disappear? To think she was dead, that he couldn't protect her? To find out when she returned that someone else hurt her? To have her brainwashed to hurt him? To think that she left him when DeWitt was in command?"

The counselor ran her hand along the hem of her sweatshirt. "Did you catch his face when Edra was sent in command of the team to retrieve the bodies of the missing crew? You could see in his eyes that he still is afraid of losing her--though he won't tell me so himself." She averted her gaze. "I--I was the one to bluff our way into the compound. I asked Edra and Caressa to hide in the trees while I approached the guard building. I knew if Edra didn't come home, it would probably break him for good."

"Part of it probably is he's afraid of her not coming back but the other thing is it kills him not to be the one going. Taking the CO job is probably the most miserable thing he's ever done."

"But he will never tell me that himself." She sighed. "It's why I've been pushing him to try to get him to open up a little more. If they decide he's not fit for command, they'll reassign him...and likely to a desk job away from his family. Edra and Caressa and the children will still be here, and that may hurt even more."

Banks laughed. "Is that what they've told you?"

"They've told me they're concerned about the family trauma, and how it's impacting his command decisions. They're concerned about him being married to his XO, and whether he would put the ship in danger if it meant saving her." Millie looked up. "It's a question of whether they can remain in command together after what has happened." Millie paused. "It's serious this time, Tricia."

"First, don't trust anything that comes from the kind of people who are pressuring you. Second, we'll get him to settle down and lower his guard a little. Look how long it took me to talk to you about private things."

Millie managed a smile. "You were at least willing. It may have taken me stabbing your ex with a broken wine glass to do it, but you were wiling to try. Your father-in-law is a bit more bull-headed."

"It'll happen. You just have to wait him out."

"After what I said to him, I'm surprised I only got a 3-day suspension." The counselor brushed the wisps of brown hair out of her face. "I decided that if he transfers me, I'll resign from Starfleet. Go back to Russia."

"Nobody's resigning or being transferred, trust me."

"You didn't hear what I said to him."

"Well...I kinda did. But that's besides the point."

Millie gave a nervous, almost awkward chuckle. "For a moment, I thought that if I could just get him to punch me, maybe he'd finally get it all out of his system." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Maybe I've been spending too much time training with Lt. Edruj."

"If he hit you the only system would be your life support system so avoid that and unpack your stuff. You'll be back on duty in no time." Banks stood from the seat.

Millie sighed. "In the meanwhile, I'm confined to quarters for three days. Stop by and make sure I don't drive myself crazy?"

Banks nodded. "I will be back tomorrow."

"I'm not going anywhere...for three days, at least." Millie attempted an actual smile for her friend, despite how defeated she felt.

Banks gave Millie's shoulder a pat as she walked out of the room.