Agony

Posted on Sun Sep 1st, 2019 @ 12:47am by Captain Henry Crow & Lieutenant Aemilia "Millie" Stepanova

Mission: Side Stories
Location: Counselor's Office

Henry arrived on time for his scheduled appointment and rang the chime.

Millie looked up from her PADD, turning it over in her lap. "Enter!"

He entered, giving a polite nod. "Counselor. I'm here on time and you didn't have to send out a security detail to track me down."

Try as she could, Millie couldn't entirely keep the look of surprise from her face. The expression quickly turned into a smile. "Have a seat, Henry. How are you doing today?"

He sat. "Engineering can't figure out why we're losing power on Deck eight, the replicators in the mess hall are melting everything in sight, and Holodeck two is stuck in the middle of a crewmember's......private program. And that was before 1000 hours."

"If it makes you feel any better, I have three recent divorcees, two couples in premarital counseling, one couple in marital counseling, one case of acute homesickness, two sets of parents with children going through the Terrible Twos..." Millie tucked one leg underneath her, smiling gently. "But such is standard life aboard a Starfleet vessel, da?"

"I suppose so. And it can always be worse."

Millie nodded. "That was not, however, the question that I asked. How are YOU today?"

"I'm relieved that the transition for the twins coming aboard has gone so smoothly. There's always something that goes wrong but they're adjusting well and all the kids seem to enjoy each other's company."

Another nod from the counselor. It was common for Henry, as it was for many in command of a ship, to be expecting the next thing to go wrong. "What kinds of things might you be concerned about in their integration into your ship...and your now-extended family?"

"The usual. Schooling, homesickness, the dynamic of all the kids but so far so good."

"Any of the children expressed jealousy at having to share their father with the other family?" Millie's hands folded in her lap.

"No, thankfully. I think maybe they're used to having to share me with the ship so this isn't entirely new to them."

"Good. I glad that things are starting off well. It might be a good idea to arrange for some informal sessions with you and Caressa's children. With behind apart from you, there may be some rocky roads ahead as they make this transition."

"I was thinking the same when time permits. The key to this happening was letting the tension out of the balloon with Caressa, Edra, and myself."

"That must have been a very hard decision to make." Henry hadn't talked about it much, and neither had Caressa or Edra, but she sensed that there must have been some incredible tensions between the three of them.

"Caressa is the one who approached us really. I don't blame her for having been upset for so long. That whole situation was not exactly by the books."

"What has your relationship with her children been like so far?"

"Very good actually. I always tried to stay in touch whenever I could and it seems to have worked. They don't seem shy or anything, they jumped right into the fray the other night at a family dinner."

"Children doing always outright express what they are going through. It often manifests as nightmares, behavior digression, withdrawal, and any number of behavior problems."

"Well like I said, so far so good."

Another nod. "Has there been any difficulty in separating your feelings for each of your children's mother?"

He was quiet for a few moments. "I don't think I have a problem in that regard. The situation we found ourselves in was my fault, both of them were just caught in the aftermath. Those kids give me a relationship and a bond with both but it's always been Edra."

"Why was it your fault?" Millie asked gently.

"I was never over her, even when I thought she was dead, and when it was clear she wasn't it was a hell of a spot for Caressa to be in. Not to mention our marriage wasn't even valid because I never filed the reports concerning Edra's 'death'."

"But you loved her, da?"

He nodded. "She helped, she filled a void when I was spiraling. But I think I came to realize when Edra returned that there was...different levels of love. It was unfair and I feel a great deal of guilt over it."

"Your love for Caressa was no less valid than your love for Edra, nor was your marriage any less valid, whether forms were filed or not." Millie shifted in the chair, settling herself a little further forward. "Why would you feel guilt?"

He shifted a little. "She didn't ask for all the...drama."

Millie nodded. "Just as you did not ask to have your wife and the mother of your children ripped away from you. And just as Edra did not ask to be pulled away from her family." She reached across and placed her hand atop the Captain's hand. "But your feelings for both women are still very much valid."

"Valid doesn't change broken hearts. But at least it's in the past now."

"Broken hearts are still valid. And things aren't exactly in the past. They are very much present. Edra has a daughter that is not yours. Caressa has children that are not Edra's." She looked into Henry's eyes, well aware that she may touch a nerve with her next question. "Does it ever hurt to see Karissa and to realize that Edra was with someone else?"

"No, because Edra was taken advantage of, and make no mistake that little girl is mine."

Millie knew what his furrowed brow meant. She'd struck a nerve. "Why do you blame yourself, Henry?"

"Like I said, everything that went down was my fault, conscious and subconscious. But what's done is done and we're moving on."

"You haven't moved on, Henry. You still shoulder this burden."

"And if I do its my choice." His tone was growing aggravated.

"But it's a choice that will have a lasting impact on the relationship with your family. With your children." Millie leaned forward, her elbows on her knees.

"You have no idea what my relationship with my kids is like. You don't know what its like to have a relationship with kids to begin with. I can respect that this is your lot in life and you're here to keep picking at the same wound but maybe on occasion it's best to just mind your own God damned business."

"Henry, we need to talk--"

He stood. "I'm done talking. I'm done with feelings and I'm done with being talked down to by someone who has zero idea what its like to have relationship issues or problems as a parent. The mistakes I've made are with me till my last breath and I can live with that because I have to live with it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to real life, not amateur psychology 101." He walked past her and out the door.